"Squirrel"

Hubby says I should blog about how he has ADHD and he never forgets anything, is super organized and is super reliable.  But of course by now he’s forgotten he even asked me to blog that lie!

The truth is his memory sucks, he views organization as the enemy and I can rely on having to ask him to do something an average of 3-5 times in a week if I actually have any hope of getting it done.  Of course if it needs to be done that day, then I’ll have to condense it to 3-5 five reminders a day, better known as nagging!

We only recently discovered that he has ADHD, and not on purpose.  We were more concerned about the horrible year Duckie had in school last year.  Her class had no structure, several teacher changes and one constant … Duckie was always distracted and talkative and sometimes angry.  This is nothing new (except for the ridiculous teacher changes). Every year we head into parent teacher conferences, with our invisible armor on.  It’s been this way since pre-K.  In fact, if parent teacher conferences are the first time we are being asked to meet about Duckie’s behavior, I consider that a win!

When Duckie was a baby she watched everything, like she was studying for a test. She seemed to want to know how everything worked, especially people.  She smiled a lot and she grunted.  She was not overly concerned with finding words.  In fact, after she starting talking she quickly decided to stop.  She stopped talking just after she decided to call me mommy.  You can imagine, this was disturbing.  I mean she said daddy and kept talking for months!! Ok, that wasn’t really the disconcerting part.  It was obviously a developmental concern.  But she was able to effectively communicate through grunts (which may say a lot about us as a family) and eventually, I pushed her to point to pictures of things she wanted (i.e milk from the fridge).  Then one day she started talking and she had never stopped again.  No really she has not stopped.  She even talks (and grunts) in her sleep.

So by the time she got to pre-K, talking non-stop was just a thing she did and a thing teachers complained about.  My bestie in middle school talked non-stop, so I figured it was just a character trait.  Duckie also moves non-stop.  That too has always been true.  As a baby she was most content riding in the car or being pushed through the streets in a stroller, where she could look out into the world.  And as a toddler, she began everyday by asking where we were going.

She would also appear to not be paying attention to the TV or a conversation and then chime in with a question that showed she’d heard everything.  I watched her do the same thing in class last year, to her teacher’s dismay.  She was talking through the teacher’s instructions and when put on the spot could repeat back exactly what the instructions had been.  Damn!! I thought, sucks to be the teacher to this kid!  Oh wait, I’m her mom, and she does the same thing to me. 

Anyway, we just thought all of these things were just part of her amazing personality.  I’ve often said, I’ve never met anyone like her.  Well turns out I have, I married him.  And while her personality is amazing, she has also been diagnosed with ADHD with an emphasis on Hyperactivity.

What are the symptoms of ADD/ADHD?

Inattention

Hyperactivity

Impulsivity

Those are the broad categories under which the main symptoms fall.  The specific questions that are asked by doctors and in numerous books on the subject with checklist, are more specific.  For example, is the person?

• Easily distracted by extraneous stimuli
• Appears “on the go” or acts as if “driven by a motor.”
• Talks excessively.
• Avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework).

Another symptom is hyper focus on things you enjoy.
Like climbing a rock wall without hesitation or direction on your first try.

Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes.  In fact, her pediatrician did not even have to ask these questions.  I just asked Maia to tell him about what happens at school.  And because of her gift of gab she answered all those questions and more without being asked.

When we got the diagnosis it was not an “aha” moment.  Instead it was a “duh why didn’t we know that moment”.  The answer is simple.  Like most people you think a disability is disabling.  But it’s not for Duckie (and many people).  As of now, she is able to learn while not actually paying attention.  As a result, all of her grades (except the ones for behavior) are good.  So I’m pretty sure we could have stayed in our fog of not knowing for years to come if I hadn’t asked the doctor for a consult.  No one at school, ever suggested the possibility, though I’m pretty confident they suspected.

So, once we got the diagnosis, I did what I do.  I wore out my library card reading about ADHD.  And in every book, on every checklist, I started to realize these symptoms remind me about someone else.  I would start randomly asking Hubby questions.  “Babe, do you have difficulty organizing tasks during the day?”  “How about movement, do you usually feel the need to move?”  “And what about …” Well couldn’t finish the questions because he was interrupting frequently and talking incessantly!

So it became obvious to us both that at least two people in our home were struggling with the same daily challenges.  We can’t get him to fill out the questionnaire, but we’ve decided the youngest dog has it too!   

So where will this journey take us?  Well as of right now I’m the only one who stands a chance of remembering to get back to you on that!  But seriously, it’s a relief to know that the two people I care for the most aren’t intentionally ignoring me all day.  And that their level of energy is not one I can hope to match.  For now, we are going through the steps of having the school child study team complete their evaluations to make sure Duckie will be in the best learning environment for her.  And as for hubby, he’s flashing back to childhood and realizing how different things could have been for him, if he and his family had and explanation for his challenges. And in the meantime, he’s trying his hardest to remember what it is that he is forgetting.

Gotta go remind some people of somethings.  This video is the soundtrack of my life.  Talk soon ... BMK