Thursday, July 21, 2016

If You Troll a Troll the Trolls Win (Say it fast 5 times)


Sending a six- year old to sleep away camp is apparently a controversial thing.   Earlier in the year when I knew we’d be sending Duckie, I set out to find the best (yet affordable) camp.  As part of my search, I posted on a parents Facebook page for my community.  And like any other place on the internet I was trolled.  A mom was aghast that I would engage in such child cruelty.  I mean obviously I just wanted to shirk my parenting responsibilities and throw my child to the wolves.  It’s either that or, I’m one of those super aggressive parents who foolishly pushes my child forward into experiences she is not ready for and will spend years of therapy trying to overcome.

Of course, I never asked for anyone’s opinion on whether I should send her to camp.  I asked for reviews of the specific camps I was considering.  This particular troll had no feedback on any of the camps, so why was she even responding?  IDK, but I do know it got my blood pressure up and as Norwegian Hubby would say, I really wanted to tell her “where to put the cabinet” (translation: tell her off).  I didn’t know the woman, though in all likelihood, I probably know someone who knows her because my town is only so big.  And more importantly, she doesn’t know me or my kid, so why is she sticking her nose into a conversation in which she has nothing of value to offer?

Back in real life, most people respond with shock when I say that Duckie is going or has gone to sleep away camp.  They picture their child at that age, and imagine how difficult or impossible that might be.  Those who know Duckie, are then able to switch gears and instead think of her in the situation.  They often conclude that she probably would enjoy it, but their expressions still betray the lingering doubt or fears they have for a young child at camp.

If you know Duckie, you know that she’s never asked her parents to stay for anything.  Instead, when we take her for a playdate (or quite frankly, to visit our friends who also happen to have children), within 5 minutes she typically says, “Ok Mom, Dad you can go now!” And often this is followed by some pushing out of the door.  Offensive?  No, she’s an only child who rolls with her parents most of the time.  So when she sees an opportunity to just be a kid with other kids she’s elated.  Also, she’s been this way since she could talk.  She’s more than happy to take a vacation with her parents and not see kids for days.  But when it’s time to socialize with her peers, she is about it.  I recall the first time we took her to the holiday camp at the local Y.  She was three years old.  When she walked into the large room filled with kids, she said, “Whoa Mom, look at all the kids!”  At which point she dropped her backpack and ran in, as if she was running in to the ocean to dive into a wave.

So I know my kid and what she needs, wants and can handle.  In addition, I (a much less extroverted child) went to sleep away camp for the first time at 6 years old.  My mom still has the desperate sulking letters from my first days to prove it.  But by the end of my first week, I’d bonded with friends and would continue to love going to camp for the next 8 years.
Nervous dad, pretends he's not nervous at drop off
Ultimately, I couldn’t choose between camps and decided to send her to both.  The first for a week right after school ended and the second for two weeks in August.  I just about collapsed from all the paperwork and packing lists.  But we had a tear-free drop off and I made sure to start writing her letters right away.  In all, she received three letters from us.  Guess how many we got back?  Yup, zip, zero, nada!  Her counselor told us how great the letters were, and how they read them together.  She said it was great how I asked specific questions that would require an answer.  I’d packed pre-addressed stamped envelopes and stationary in her trunk.  But she said Duckie read them enthusiastically, and then said, “Oh I can’t reply, I’ve got to go do some rock climbing!” 
Ok, Take the photo and scram
2 minutes after we left

So, it’s fair to say she has zero detachment issues.  And I showed great restraint in replying to my internet troll.  Her actual reply to my question asking for reviews of camps was “Sleep away camp for a first grader?”  My reply was, “Yup!”  Because there is a slight possibility that she was just curious (who am I kidding, mom on mom shade is real) but even so, if we tell the trolls where to put the cabinets, the trolls win.  But rest assured when the next person posts a question about camps, I’ll be sure so say, “My six year old loved sleep away camp.  At pick up, she didn’t want to leave and instead explained repeatedly how “they do your laundry here mommy, so I can stay for six more weeks, OK?”  -Signed, Smug Mommy





Only two more weeks to repack the trunk for sleep away camp part deux. But first I’ve got to fill some backpack, please pitch in https://www.facebook.com/MontclairOperationBackpack/  


Talk soon … BMK

Friday, July 8, 2016

Helping always helps

Whew for the last 9 months I've been waiting for life to slow down.  Each month I have proclaimed that the next month will be better or if I just make it through these next two months I'll be good.  Well surprise surprise I have been wrong every time.  Still, I'm hopeful August will be the sweet spot!

Ok so I'm committed to being delusional.  But my brain needs a break from constantly tackling crisis and managing projects (and people, aka family).  Last year around this town, I was frantically wrapping up what was perhaps my worst job ever.  I couldn't wait to get it done, but I was grinding hard to make my last consultant payment big. My last week of conducting trainings, I powered through my headache and sore throat.  I went through packs of Hall cough drops daily.  But I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  Then just in for my family reunion and birthday celebrations, I went down.  A cold turned into a sinus infection and then a C. diff infection.  I was laid out and not able to eat for weeks.  The weight loss was great!!  But there went my August and by the time I was well it was time to drown in the paperwork and errands of starting a first grader in a new school.

But while I was sucking on cough drops I found one spot of sunshine.  I was flipping through a magazine and learned about Operation Backpack.  It was a simple concept, buy a backpack fill it with supplies and donated it to a homeless kid.  It seemed like the easiest thing in the world compared to everything else on my to do list.  And if you know me you know that aiding kids who need a hand up is my passion (kids that are brats are my cryptonite!) So it wasn't enough for me to donate a backpack, I decided to recruit, friends, family and strangers to do the same.  The result was a donation of 30 backpacks!

It was a lot of work and a lot of trips to target to buy supplies on behalf of others, pick up backpacks all over town and double check that all supplies were included.  I was so weak by the end that I had to recruit a friend to sit assist in the labeling before the final drop off.  But it was the one thing that made me happy every day. And I was happy to be able to demonstrate the joy of charity work to Duckie.  So now I'm counting down the days until I get to do it again!

Luckily for me that day is Monday (July 11th) and this year I've got two collections spots in town (though I'll still pick up from you if you like) and a crowdrise site for those who prefer to contribute money toward filling a backpack. Backpacks go to kids at Volunteer of America Shelters in northern New Jersey and in NY City. So stay tuned details will be posted by Monday.


Wednesday, June 22, 2016

10 Best

I was speaking to my much older brother (jokes) on Father's Day and he mentioned that my nephew would be turning 16 soon.  As we started down the usual path of my how time flies, I stopped and said, "well I hope you told him this is it. He's got 10 good years!"
You remember my brother, right?
We went on to analyze the triumphs of turning 16 and enjoying the last year's of high school (in our case that meant partying). Then moving on to the freedom and independence that college brings (aka better parties) and then the joy and ignorance which is early twenties (parties every night of the week). That's when you think you are grown, but you are still having a lot of fun and that's the first sign that you are not grown!

We reminisced about turning 25 and being able to rent a car with no hassles and more importantly get into the 25 and over clubs (do those still exist?).  At any rate, I know I did it up right in my 10 Best.  Everything wasn't coming up roses all the time, and the scars of romantic trauma may live on indefinitely, but damn I had fun! 

I once had to make a list of goals for this very serious seminar and I listed as my main goal to, have fun and be fun". This goal was not welcomed enthusiastically by the 40 somethings leading the seminars.  I of course thought, you don't get it because you haven't committed to having fun.  Fun is a state of mind a choice. So, just choose it!

Fast forward to 41 years old and fun is definitely a choice.  The only problem is all the other choices that have to be made for me and my family.  Oh there is certainly still fun to be had.  Just ask anyone sitting near my crew at the Beyonce concert (correction, standing cause sitting down would have been heresy).  But that fun required two or more months of planning. 

School ends tomorrow and I've been counting down to the start of summer as if I was the student.  Now it's here and I realize I've planned a summer of fun for Duckie and diddly squat for me.  I saved, begged and borrowed to give her a summer to remember (sleep away camp then day camp then sleep away camp again).  But when I think about summer plans for myself, I'm much less willing to come up with the cash.

So this is a wake up call to myself and to anyone else out there.  Let's choose fun, no matter how much planning it requires.  We owe it to ourselves to show the next generation that an old school party is a new school party and a new school party don't stop! (Sing it with me).


Right, so 4 minutes left before school pick up. I've got to run, but hit me up if you want to participate in some summer FUN. Talk soon ... BMK

Thursday, June 2, 2016

So, what do you do for, ummm … like work?

Many people ask me, “What do you do?”  Or, “So what are you doing now?  And the classic, “Are you looking for work?”  And I realize most people, even friends and family don’t realize what I do. 

Here’s what I do:  I buy real estate, I fix it up and I rent it out.  Sometimes as normal apartments and in the case of one property as a vacation rental home in Florida.  Then when a better deal comes along and I need money, I sell a property and buy a new one. Repeat process.  Also, I parent… I’m not looking for work … at the current time.

As an entrepreneur, unless you have received venture capital funding, people often mistake your flexible schedule as a work-free one.  I’m used to that because I’ve always felt happier working from home than in an office.  Aside from the comforts of home, its simple math.  If you are capable of managing yourself, you will have more productive hours at home than at any office.  Once you subtract the time for small talk and useless meetings, your office work day is usually cut in half.  

As the Queen of Efficiency, I prefer to get my work done in solid shifts and then on-the-go via technology.  So for example here was my day yesterday:

6:00 am up and doing Pilates while Hubby ran on the treadmill (this is purely of gesture of spousal support and by no means a recommendation to wake up at an ungodly hour)
6:45 am back in bed, because it’s too damn early 
7:30 am up and dressed and cleaning kitchen, eating breakfast, doing kids hair and helping with homework, also checking emails on phone
8:55 am 25 minute walk to/from school to drop off kid 
9:30am  PTA meeting postponed, drive to YMCA (because back pain told me not walk)  pay for kids swim team, register kid for day camp 
10:00 am 10:45 Swim Class (my back was happy I came) 
11:00 am CVS consult with pharmacist about nasal spray not covered by insurance, while checking emails 
11:15 am call Sherwin Williams to see if they have my paint in yet 
11:30 am go to Sherwin Williams and pick up 10 gallons of paint for 2 family house I’m having renovated before renting it out
12 noon go grocery shopping while talking to contractor on the phone about issues with water heaters (we bought the wrong ones), kitchen cabinet installation (light switch is in the way, electrician wants $1000 to move, me say no way), additional paint needed, additional renovation needed in basement
1:00 pm drop off paint at renovation site, talk with workman about alternative options for cabinet installation, watch him punch holes in walls and point to wires I don’t see.  Discuss need for additional floor tiles he forgot to ask for on my second run to the tile store
1:45 pm home to unload groceries, make lunch, eat lunch

2:00 pm make to do list and check emails on computer which I couldn’t reply to on the go, schedule doctor’s appointments for Duckie, update Google Calendar, notify tenant in Florida of end of lease, curse New Jersey Financial aid site for never allowing me to log in easily to check the status of the child’s financial aid application and Hubby’s 18 year old mentee for never giving me the right login info (teenagers!!!) 
3:00 pm get on Facebook and respond to messages, post to groups and schedule event 
3:20 pm drive to school for pick up (because back/hip are really killing me now) 
3:30 pm sit on playground and talk to a parent while kids play, respond to Hubby’s various phone calls and questions 
4:15 pm take Duckie to Starbucks for mommy/daughter date and then go to the library 
5:30 pm come home and make dinner 
6:00 pm eat dinner 
7:00 pm drop kid at neighbors, go to renovation site with Hubby, load two giant water heaters into truck, return to them to Home Depot.  Buy new ones and repeat process in reverse 
8:15 pm pick up kid from neighbors 
8:45 pm get kid to bed, reply to emails and text on phone while watching news 
9:00 pm watch show from DVR with Hubby 
9:30 pm turn off TV and plan to go to bed 
9:50 pm finally get off couch after talking to hubby about efficient strategies for tracking his work in Excel spreadsheets 
10:20 pm read on Kindle 
10:40 pm lights out, rue the day I agreed to wake up at 6am to work out with “him”

And then I woke up this morning (same ungodly hour) and started doing it all again.  But of course I left a little time to write you this blog post J



The Queen of Efficiency aka Busy Mom Kimya aka KiKi (at Starbucks for efficiency) has got to go buy more damn paint!!!   Talk soon … BMK

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Wednesday, May 18, 2016

#Ihatethewait

So I've finally got out from under the sleep away camp paperwork that is akin to the college application process, and I'm ready to start planning a trip.  But every night I turn on the news and the top story is about insane lines at airport security!

I received an email from United Airlines just before spring break recommending I arrive at the airport at least 2 hours before my flight departure due to security delays.  Now airlines are suggesting at least 3 hours.  I am a strong believer in avoiding waiting.  Sitting in an airport for no good reason, is tops on my list of things I'd like to do after I've pulled out all my eyelashes and read several scientific white papers.  I do my best to arrive no more than an hour before my flight.  I check in on-line and unless its free, I don't check a bag.  So the only possible hold up for me, would be the security line.

Duckie and I did spend a longer than usual time getting through security on our flight to Florida, but the line was contained within the TSA area.  Recent reports are showing lines that go out toward the parking lot at some airports.  I love waiting on lines, just like I love the sound of nails on the chalkboard.  So just watching the news has made me question my desire to plan a trip that requires air travel.  And a road trip is just a line of cars taking forever to go somewhere they could have gotten faster by plane!

So I have a problem in need of a solution.  Luckily, I've found two options.  Hopefully one of them will work for you as well and we can get to going!

Option 1: TSA PreCheck 
Like me, you may have stood in the regular security line looking at that empty lane next to you, where occasionally, a stray person strolls up and just speeds right through the security screening.  Or perhaps you've even been as lucky as we were when Duckie was still in stroller.  We got waived through to that speedy lane.  Boy, do I miss the stroller travel days (sigh).  Well that lane is the TSA PreCheck lane.  And its the only way to avoid the current crazy.  But they will no longer waive you through because you have a stroller or some other sympathy worthy predicament.  You must have TSA PreCheck clearance.

The good news is clearance is relatively easy to get.  Just go online to complete the application.  Then schedule an appointment at a local enrollment center and pay $85.  Approval takes 2-3 weeks and your clearance last for 5 years.  Kids 12 and under do not need clearance, but can still accompany you through the PreCheck lane.  You'll receive a Known Traveler Number (KTN) which you'll add to all your frequent flyer profiles and each airline reservation you make.  This will enable a clearance indication on your boarding pass (paper or mobile) that allows you to use the special lanes at 160 airports. Check here to see if your nearest airport and the airlines you use frequently are included.

So for $170, Hubby, Duckie and I could avoid security lines when traveling domestically for five years.  I believe time is money, so that's a pretty sweet deal.  But what about international travel?  You can use the TSA PreCheck clearance to depart the US but it does nothing for you at customs/border control when re-entering the country.  So then what?

Option 2: Global Entry
The Global Entry program is another Trusted Traveler program offered by Homeland Security.  It allows for expedited movement through customs/border control when returning to the US and when entering a few other countries. Members scan their fingers at a kiosk and complete a customs declaration, then they can head to baggage claim.  And bonus, TSA PreCheck clearance is also included in the 5 year term.  So naturally it cost more, $100.  And, children of all ages must have their own Global Entry clearance to reap the benefits.  You can apply on-line for pre-approval (background check). Then you must schedule an appointment at an enrollment center within 30 days (and complete the appointment within 90 days).

So for Hubby, Duckie and me that's $300 for 5 years of avoiding security and customs lines.  Not as nice as $170 (or even better no lines to begin with) but the value increases every time we travel.

So which one is right for you?  Or will you just stand around playing Candy Crush?

Choose carefully, once you are approved for TSA PreCheck you can't just add $15 and move up to Global Entry.  You will have to pay the full $100 and go through the whole application process.

Well, I guess I just found some new paperwork to get started on.   Not traveling is simply not an option, if I wish to remain somewhat mentally stable.  Gotta go retrieve passports and figure out how not to pay $200 a ticket to sit in the cheap seats and watch my Seattle Seahawks (oh the insanity of it all)!
Talk soon ..... BMK

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Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Why Browse When You could Extension? (Say, What Now??)

I think I’m offended by term browsing.  Oh are you browsing the Internet? No!  I’m getting things done!  I realize using a “browser” like GoogleChrome for “browsing,” is an actual thing that people do.  Me, I suck at browsing.  My eyes get tired my head starts to hurt and next thing you know I’m sleeping.



The closest I can get to browsing is on-line shopping or reading the news.  But still, I’ll go to Amazon.com to search for something I need, or want, and by the 5th product I’m like, “Oh geez make it stop and just tell which one is the best for the best price!”  Thank God for filters or I’d never buy anything.  I need to see only Prime, only 4 star or higher reviews and under a specific price.  Only then can I attempt to scroll.

When it comes to reading the news, it’s even worse.  I love news.  I need a daily dose.  I currently rely on The Huffington Post app for much of it.  But if I open a story and takes me to a lengthy magazine article.  Click.  Window closed.  I cannot look into the light long enough to absorb the information being transmitted.  Believe it or not I was a journalism major. So it’s even more shameful that I can’t read an in-depth article.  But I was taught to get the main point or at least the hook in the first paragraph of your article to keep them reading.  Well that hasn’t happened in this post.  So I guess, I’m just the pot calling the kettle black.  “Hey Kettle!  Looking good!”


So right, I can’t browse.  I use my browser for work.  That could be business work, family work, household work, whatevs.  I don’t have to worry about being distracted by Facebook because after a few scrolls, I’d have to click away to stay awake.  Instead, I make use of a great feature of Chrome, it’s called extensions.  Hopefully, you are using them as well.  If not, today is your lucky day. 

If you are like me, and you just want tools to help you browse more efficiently then extensions are for you.  If you are not like me, and you want to have more fun things to do online, then extensions are also for you.  So what are they and how do you get them?

What are they?
Per Google, Chrome Extensions are, “small programs that add new features to your browser and personalize your browsing experience."

For example my favorite extension is Honey.  Honey says, “Oh, I see you are shopping.  Would you like me to enter all possible discount codes for this site before you checkout?”  Um, heck yeah I would.  My newest extension is from Ebates, the site that lets you earn money from the things you are already buying.  Instead of logging into Ebates and looking to see if the store you want is offering an Ebate, just go directly to the store site and the extension will pop up to ask you if you like to activate the savings.  Again, yes please! Amazon also has an extension that lets you see the price of the item on Amazon while you’re shopping at another store’s site. Or you can add a non-Amazon item to your Amazon wishlist.  Me likey.  It sucks to buy something online and then discover there was a coupon code in your email box you overlooked.  These extensions help to avoid that problem.
 



I’ve also got extensions that work with Google applications.  Like one that opens documents from Google Drive in their respective office program (i.e. Google Slides opens in Power Point).  Another allows me to quickly send whatever is on my browser to my Chromecast connected to my TV. Google Hangouts so I can chat with all my lovelies with just the click of a button. Google Keep so I can add whatever is on my screen to my to do list.  And of course my Google Music in case I need a little Lemonade ;-)

I have a few more, but there are a lot less boring ones you could have too.  Would you like to see a beautiful background every time you open a new tab, you can (Earth View extension).  Or you could see cats (Tabby Cats extension).  Your choice.  I’m not judging (but I am).  Or you can watch Netflix online with friends (still trying really hard not to judge … failing).

How do you get it?
Ok back in the judgement free zone it’s so easy to get an extension.  Open Chrome and go here.  Bam!  Browse away, filter by category or search.  Find something interesting and click.  Then chose add to chrome.  Most extensions are free.  I only know about free, because it’s for me.  That’s it you’ve got your extension now.  

You can see it in the upper right hand corner of the Chrome browser window.  You can also view them in the settings menu on the extensions tab.  Here you can enable/disable or delete them.  You can also search for more extensions from the settings/extensions area.

Well, I’ll leave you to your cats then.  Just please don’t drag any of their hair over here.  Thanks.  I have to go not browse.  Talk soon … BMK

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Friday, April 29, 2016

Feminist Frustration

I’ve never burned a bra, though I’d love to burn them all because I hate wearing them.   I don’t hate men I’m quite fond of them actually).  I don’t wear make up most of the time, because I’m too lazy to get up earlier and do that.  And yet, I call myself a feminist.  Hubby calls me an, Angry Black Feminist, because of which he says the 2008 primary election between Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton was my worst nightmare.  He’s not wrong.

Yup.  None of this is true.


To me identifying as a feminist is important because being a woman is hard!  Yesterday, Duckie went to take your child to work day.  It used to be take your daughter to work day.  But now we are supposed to pretend that the need of a young boy to be able to envision himself with a successful career is as great as a girls.  That’s B.S. 

When I was in 5th grade, a teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I confidently said, “A chef!”  She told me that was a job for a man.  That was 30 years ago.  Today, some of our top celebrity chefs are women.  But have you noticed how most of them pretend they are cooking in their home kitchens (fully made up), while the men have the top restaurants and host the cooking competition shows?

Do I think there is a big conspiracy to keep women down?  No (unless we are talking politics, the yes).  But I think attitudes change slowly and most people are unaware of their biases.  Also, women are major contributors to the anti-feminist movement.  In my 20s I interviewed for a job at a company for which I had previously worked.  I had a great reputation and since leaving had more experience related to the position to which I was applying.  I did not get the job. Later I found out from my old boss (not the interviewer or head of the new department) that I did not get the job because the department head, a middle aged woman, was afraid I might decide to have children soon.  I was not married, didn’t even have a serious boyfriend, but this was her fear.  And to be clear, even if I was those things, I still should have gotten the job.  Had I not had the inside track, I would never have known why I did not get the job.  Instead my confidence would have taken a big hit and potentially discouraged me from applying for similar jobs. 


A recruiter once told me one of her female clients was not hired because the interviewer did not like her nail polish color.  I’ve been in countless management meetings about the likelihood that a woman would have a baby, or choose not to return after maternity leave.  These discussions determined which projects they were chosen to work on and who was up for promotions.  This is where the angry part comes in.  It’s pretty hard to be aware of all these daily injustices and not be angry.  


As a black woman, I get to add racial bias to female bias when I have to determine if my performance was the cause of a setback or if it’s something out of my control.  I’ve also always been told I look a lot younger than I am.  So we can throw ageism in the mix too.  Because often in the workplace young = dumb.

Ah, so many reasons for me to avoid corporate America.  If only that were effective.  But there is a woman running for president.  She has more experience at governing, policy making and crisis management than any other candidate in my lifetime.  But no matter, lets debate whether she is talking too loud, why she chose that outfit, her age and for good measure lets says she unqualified. 

Beyonce’s Lemonade visual album has social media and entertainment media ablaze.  Mostly attempting to confirm who her husband Jay-Z must have cheated with to prompt her to make an album about adultery (as well as female strength and unity, racism, and family, but those topics aren’t salacious enough for discussion).  Because it’s simply not possible that as an artist (like say an actor) that a female entertainer singing about relationship problems is not using her imagination instead of personal experience.  Taylor Swift knows all about this.  Because God forbid she writes a song and it’s not about an ex-boyfriend (which the world has also decided she has too many of. She’s doing what a 20 something is supposed to do … date!).  I’m mean we do know that Billy Jean was not his lover and the kid was not his son, right?! 



But there is hope.  My Duckie loves super heroes and princesses.  She hunts with daddy, cooks with mommy and swims with both of us.  She comes with us to look at potential properties and gives her investment advice.  She is a constant advocate for I can do anything a boy can do and anything a girl can do.

Once Duckie recovered from the news that Obama does not get to be president forever, she wanted to know who was running to replace him.  As she watched the male faces come up on the TV screen, she quickly yelled, “Well why can’t it be a woman?!).  I was pleased to say, “It can be!” 

Alrighty then, I’m sure if I look hard enough I can find a bra to burn, feel free to send donations.  This girl is on fire.  Talk soon…. BMK

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