So in my mind a good friend is loyal, and supporting and blah, blah blah. A good friend will share what is actually going on (not the Facebook version of life) and will be available to listen and offer "helpful" advice (not just yeah girl).
Over the last few weeks, I received two pieces of great advice from spectacular women:
#1 Date Night is a Must
I didn't say it was rocket science. But good advice from a good friend is often easier to follow than something you read in every magazine article on relationships. In my case, I was burnt out. Making the adjustment to hubby working outside the house for the first time ever and the impact that had on my daily responsibilities (more kid shuttling, errand running, and getting more work done in less time) was wearing me out. Duckie was more than a little unhappy about the change and Hubby wasn't thrilled either. So we were all in a snit. My friend and neighbor reminded me of the importance of date night. On the surface it didn't seem like something we needed. We spend an hour or two on the couch each night watching a show and winding down. But that's no fun. We used to have fun. We used to go out and enjoy food, shows. dancing and you know, people. Then we got cheap and lazy. We didn't want to pay for a babysitter and a meal. Then we just forgot. We forgot that dates nights were a thing.
Well we've taken that advice and been on three dates in the last 3 weeks. And we are having so much fun! While we may not be able to keep up that pace, we have been reminded that having time carved out for enjoyment as a couple, makes us a better couple. So now take my advice and get out there. Even if you only go to the Fro Yo shop, you will still enjoy it, kid free!
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| At a concert last week |
#2 Treat Your Kid Like You'd Want to be Treated After a Stressful Day at Work
If you read last week's blog post, you already know that Duckie is an awesome kid. The high energy level, and on-going commentary that make for hilarious scenarios at home, don't play so well in school. My Duckie was made for summer camp, not a classroom. So she's pretty much always in trouble at school. And the part of her personality that lets negativity roll off of her, is the same part that causes her to smile at teachers while they are attempting to discipline her. Take a moment and picture that scene. You can imagine her teachers pulling their hair out. So we try and work with the school and teachers to figure out ways to create consequences for her actions. Sometimes they work for a while. Most times they don't. She's not made for sitting still, its just not a thing she can do. And when forced to do it, she lashes out in other ways.
So I was at my wits end, because her school and home behaviors were equally frustrating for a couple of weeks. This meant she was always in the middle of or coming out of a consequence. I called my Frousin (friend cousin) for her expert advice (she works in education). Instead she gave me real life advice. "If you worked at a job you hated, would you want to come home to be punished for how you performed at that job?" I needed a Staples red button so I could press it and hear, "That was easy!" I immediately removed consequences for school that were applied at home.
The old rules still apply, if she doesn't do her school work at home, she'd have to do that at home. But otherwise, if she has a bad day at school, she can still have a great day at home. She's not struggling academically, she can be completely disruptive and still get every question correct on her homework or a test (sorry parents of the kids who can't learn because Duckie is partying). So why was I adding more stress to her day. Now we have many more good days. Days were she tries harder both at school and at home, perhaps because the pressure is off. The school still has their rewards plan to keep on track there. It may or may not work. But at least here, at Casa Nilsen, we can just put our feet up after a hard days (school) work.
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| Happy Kid and Happy Parents = Successful School Project |
So get talking and get listening. There's lots of good advice and experiences to be shared. For example in the comments box below :-)
Well, I gotta go. Gotta get Duckie's after school bubble bath ready. Ha! --- BMK
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