Feminist Frustration

I’ve never burned a bra, though I’d love to burn them all because I hate wearing them.   I don’t hate men I’m quite fond of them actually).  I don’t wear make up most of the time, because I’m too lazy to get up earlier and do that.  And yet, I call myself a feminist.  Hubby calls me an, Angry Black Feminist, because of which he says the 2008 primary election between Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton was my worst nightmare.  He’s not wrong.

Yup.  None of this is true.

To me identifying as a feminist is important because being a woman is hard!  Yesterday, Duckie went to take your child to work day.  It used to be take your daughter to work day.  But now we are supposed to pretend that the need of a young boy to be able to envision himself with a successful career is as great as a girls.  That’s B.S. 

When I was in 5^th grade, a teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I confidently said, “A chef!”  She told me that was a job for a man.  That was 30 years ago.  Today, some of our top celebrity chefs are women.  But have you noticed how most of them pretend they are cooking in their home kitchens (fully made up), while the men have the top restaurants and host the cooking competition shows?

Do I think there is a big conspiracy to keep women down?  No (unless we are talking politics, the yes).  But I think attitudes change slowly and most people are unaware of their biases.  Also, women are major contributors to the anti-feminist movement.  In my 20s I interviewed for a job at a company for which I had previously worked.  I had a great reputation and since leaving had more experience related to the position to which I was applying.  I did not get the job. Later I found out from my old boss (not the interviewer or head of the new department) that I did not get the job because the department head, a middle aged woman, was afraid I might decide to have children soon.  I was not married, didn’t even have a serious boyfriend, but this was her fear.  And to be clear, even if I was those things, I still should have gotten the job.  Had I not had the inside track, I would never have known why I did not get the job.  Instead my confidence would have taken a big hit and potentially discouraged me from applying for similar jobs. 

A recruiter once told me one of her female clients was not hired because the interviewer did not like her nail polish color.  I’ve been in countless management meetings about the likelihood that a woman would have a baby, or choose not to return after maternity leave.  These discussions determined which projects they were chosen to work on and who was up for promotions.  This is where the angry part comes in.  It’s pretty hard to be aware of all these daily injustices and not be angry.  

As a black woman, I get to add racial bias to female bias when I have to determine if my performance was the cause of a setback or if it’s something out of my control.  I’ve also always been told I look a lot younger than I am.  So we can throw ageism in the mix too.  Because often in the workplace young = dumb.

Ah, so many reasons for me to avoid corporate America.  If only that were effective.  But there is a woman running for president.  She has more experience at governing, policy making and crisis management than any other candidate in my lifetime.  But no matter, lets debate whether she is talking too loud, why she chose that outfit, her age and for good measure lets says she unqualified. 

Beyonce’s Lemonade visual album has social media and entertainment media ablaze.  Mostly attempting to confirm who her husband Jay-Z must have cheated with to prompt her to make an album about adultery (as well as female strength and unity, racism, and family, but those topics aren’t salacious enough for discussion).  Because it’s simply not possible that as an artist (like say an actor) that a female entertainer singing about relationship problems is not using her imagination instead of personal experience.  Taylor Swift knows all about this.  Because God forbid she writes a song and it’s not about an ex-boyfriend (which the world has also decided she has too many of. She’s doing what a 20 something is supposed to do … date!).  I’m mean we do know that Billy Jean was not his lover and the kid was not his son, right?! 

But there is hope.  My Duckie loves super heroes and princesses.  She hunts with daddy, cooks with mommy and swims with both of us.  She comes with us to look at potential properties and gives her investment advice.  She is a constant advocate for I can do anything a boy can do and anything a girl can do.

Once Duckie recovered from the news that Obama does not get to be president forever, she wanted to know who was running to replace him.  As she watched the male faces come up on the TV screen, she quickly yelled, “Well why can’t it be a woman?!).  I was pleased to say, “It can be!” 

Alrighty then, I’m sure if I look hard enough I can find a bra to burn, feel free to send donations.  This girl is on fire.  Talk soon…. BMK

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